I’ve always found it strange that I never forgot this dream, because I haven’t vividly remembered my dreams for a very, very long time. This one seemed to be a memory from the astral or a Jade from another dimension. I do not know.
In this dream I was in a courtyard that was part of an ancient construction, a college. It reminded me a lot of the Oxford colleges. I was a pair of eyes, the observant, so I could not see myself; but I was there. I felt very happy, at home. And then an old man passed through the corridors. He had grey hair almost up his shoulders, a bit of beard, spectacles, and scholarly robes. He was probably a professor there.
The name Cornelius came to me. He looked at me surprised, as if I hadn’t been in that place for a long time. He recognised me, as someone who he had a lot of affection for, and I for him. I think he was a tutor of mine. But his look also had fear; he knew I was being chased, and urged me to run somewhere.
From Durham Cathedral (the walls were lighter, like a plain yellowish white)
The scene changed and I was in a sort of astronomical tower, which was also a library, filled with bookshelves around it. There was a great instrument in the centre of the tower, I think it was an astrolabe. I ran to a staircase, seeking to hide. I had a feeling that I was being chased and had a fear and despair to run and hide. I think it was a woman and her goons, chasing me. That reminded me a lot of Lyra and Mrs. Coulter, from His Dark Materials. But it was me.
In the dream he looked different, but Caspian’s tutor in Narnia is called Cornelius!
(Examples from Pinterest – The tower was higher)
Years later, in an ordinary day, astonishing synchronicities happened! I wrote on my diary: I was feeling very energetic today, and because of that perhaps I also felt a certain rebellious feeling; no fear and almost like a great carelessness towards structures/linearity/mechanisation/routine. An impatience and boredom. As if I knew and fully felt that I was much more than a structure could hold, that I had so much creative power, ideas, anger, energy, excitement, so many things kept inside of me that I did not feel I had the space to express or be free, which is what I wish from the bottom of my being. But a wish, to be honest, that is a bit in vain.
I was in my room and had a lot of work to do. But I suddenly felt that energy, an impatience, almost an anger and hyperactivity. And I procrastinated. I felt and thought about the yearnings of my inner child, especially to go to a forest and explore the nature here. I searched on Google for some of those places closeby. Because of these feelings and thoughts, I started remembering a dream I had a very long time ago, but that I’d never forgotten (the dream told here).
I did a reading and found some very interesting parts that shockingly had to do with what I was feeling and thinking at that moment. It was about institutions in society. In class we had a debate and there was a girl in our group that had stickers on her computer, one of them with the name of a forest I found on Google hours before. She was wearing a necklace with an orange, brownish stone. I asked her the name of the stone and she said something like “Cornelia”. I gasped. After that I researched what I heard and found the carnelian stone, which can also be pronounced cornelian. I was absolutely shocked. The stone had properties that had exactly to do with what I needed to work on at the moment; my sacral chakra.
Furthermore, I researched the name Cornelius and saw it partially originated from the word ‘horn’. I had a blast of associations at the same time, even if they might not have any coherence or relevance to what I am saying here. I remembered my sign Capricorn, the god Pan, Mr. Tumnus from Narnia (Lucy’s first friend), Peter Pan (I had watched the movie the previous week), Pan (Pantalaimon) – Lyra’s daemon… I also had flashes of Pan’s Labyrinth, but I was always horrified by that movie. Cornelius also meant, from the website Behind the Name: βIn Acts in the New Testament Cornelius is a centurion who is directed by an angel to seek Peterβ. Peter is derived from the greek Petros, which means stone, and I obviously remembered my name Jade and the carnelian stone. I felt absolutely shocked and like a type of Sherlock Holmes in the end. It was scary, honestly, but also magical!
1 – Ring carved from carnelian and adorned with a resting Lion. Egypt, 18th Dynasty. 1550 to 1292 BC.
2 – Egyptian orange carnelian amulet figuring the child, perhaps the god Horus as a child, New Kingdom, Dynasties 19-20. 0,9 in. high. PBA Auctions.
Months later I was scrolling through Instagram when I found a picture of a carnelian yoni egg placed beside a Sekhmet tarot card. I was shocked again!! Months before that, perhaps close to the carnelian vision I had, I had written a paper about Sekhmet (which I had chosen). Sekhmet was the only Egyptian solar goddess and had a lion head. Since I was a child I was attracted to the power and fierce, majestic presence of the lion beings. But this time, lions were poking my being to awaken.
I was feeling an anger and a fire heating up inside of me, a dissatisfaction that only rose when I let it be seen, but that had always been hid inside me. It was long buried (and still is). This fire could really destroy things and outwear me in anger if I didn’t direct it to something (exercise, creativity etc). I felt like a bottle about to explode, a cauldron that was boiling. This energy is not fluid in my body yet, because I still repress it. There is a long story behind it, also directly linked to numbness in my childhood, but this is another tale.
Sekhmet was born from the rage of Ra, the Egyptian Sun god. She invites me and all of us to free our fire. She bears a wild, destructive force, yet is also a healer. Death and life, destruction and creation. This fire ought to be channeled for creative purposes, freeing the flux of creativity from the soul, otherwise it can become anger if contained. The sacral chakra is associated to sexuality, pleasure, creativity, joy, aliveness. Power. It is in dynamisation in the second septennium of life, the exact time I took Ritalin and other medicines for a diagnosis of ADD. Curiouser curiouser… Linking back to the dissatisfaction and imprisonment I felt towards education, I associated all of this bottled up/repressed creativity, expression, freedom, joy, to the chains that education and living in this world overall had in my life, besides my own fears and limiting belief systems. In this society, power is rooted in distorted notions based on [an imbalanced] patriarchy. Thus, the feminine is repressed in subtle and obvious ways.
Ever since I was a child I had a neat perception that things were clearly wrong, and as I grew, this notion grew obvious. I did not see a communal, caring, motherly world, where children, nature, women were honoured, where the feminine and the masculine were balanced and at peace, where creativity decorated the world in beauty. I did not see a world where feelings were soothed and heard. Where intuition and connection to the subtle were deep sources of wisdom and links to the Earth and the Cosmos.
When Sekhmet and carnelian blew me an obvious whisper, I was feeling absolutely ungrounded and disconnected from this world and from myself (body, soul, heart). I went through a long period of a ghost-like state, completely absent of feeling. When you don’t feel, you aren’t alive. You are a dead thing walking. A soulless creature. These strong veils of apathy and numbness that covered me made me reach, at times, some moments of desperation when I wished to feel anything, even pain, to have the sensation I was indeed alive. One needs to be careful when sharing details about their shadowy trails, but I need to be open about this.
Every soul is designed to bloom. Every interruption to this flourishing is unlawful to existence. I felt this in my very being. The feminine is creation, it is life, it is mystery, art, spirit and emotion, as opposed to the strong rationalism, scientism and materialism that permeate this world today. When children and souls overall are restricted from this aspect, the feminine, they are restricted from their hearts; the sustentation of life, the dynamo that makes everything alive, the wolf, the wild woman, the divine child… Beauty, possibility, wonder, magic. There is so much we don’t know. We are little dots in this gigantic universe. Perhaps just letting souls share, cultivating compassion and spaces for communion and creativity, instead of quick judgement, over-analysis and the search for final answers, would make this world very different than it is right now. A change in consciousness.
π JADE NIKITA 
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